


Collision Course

by mozarteffect



Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: At least that's the idea, Awkward Crush, Awkward Flirting, Comedy, Developing Relationship, F/F, Guns and yelling happens though because it's Launch, Ignores Dragon Ball Super, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Mild Language, Romance, Yes I am serious this is a Mai/Launch piece, be gay do crimes, but it's not described or depicted, like pretty blatantly ignores super that's where we're at, nothing too bad i think
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:27:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24802324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mozarteffect/pseuds/mozarteffect
Summary: After narrowly avoiding making a terrible mistake with their wishes, the Pilaf Gang wanders aimlessly trying to find a purpose.They don't find their purpose, but they do get hit by a semi truck driven by a sweet woman who changes personality with a sneeze.This would be easy enough to work through and move on, except that Mai starts to fall for her. Can Mai successfully woo Launch, or will things stay awkward forever?
Relationships: Mai/Launch, Minor or Background Relationship(s), maybe
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is pretty blatantly just for a couple of people I know on Twitter, this is our ship and we'll have fun with it as much as possible. If you wanna give it a shot and read it, though, that's cool too. It's pretty rough around the edges because, again, this is just a piece I'm having fun with and nothing super serious.

If asked on a normal day, Mai would say it was due to the great wisdom of Emperor Pilaf that they managed to avoid making a mistake that would haunt them for a good while after last meeting the Eternal Dragon.

If asked on a day where Mai was loaded up with a couple of drinks, she would say the only reason they _really_ weren't stuck as kindergarteners right at that moment was due to her intervention.

It was a tough sell trying to convince Pilaf his wording of "wishing to be back to his prime age" was a very vague wish ( _without_ pointing out he was saying "primary" and _not_ prime), but eventually—with much wheedling—Mai convinced him to change it to "five years younger."

 _" **What about your second and third wish**?" _the Dragon had asked them in his deep, booming voice.

 _"What?"_ the trio echoed, staring back up at the creature. While Mai and Shu's minds reeled trying to think of _what else_ they could wish for, Pilaf scoffed whilst waving his hand dismissively.

 _"Don't be ridiculous!"_ he sneered, _"You only grant one wish! That's how it's always been! Don't act like the rules changed, you stupid lizard!"_

Mai couldn't exactly _tell_ since the Dragon had no irises or pupils within his glowing red eyes but he might have _rolled_ them.

 _"I'd like some good food,"_ Shu admitted, immediately getting a smack on the head from Pilaf.

 _" **A simple task** ," _the Dragon rumbled in response before materializing a great quantity of food before them.

Pilaf squawked in outrage at the sudden bounty. Mai, seeing the opportunity, broke in with a request for outdoor survival tools, which Shenron handily provided them before bidding farewell.

Well…they were left with the clock turned back five years on their bodies collectively, food, and tools for survival, now what? From there the trio wandered with that ancient radar of theirs, biding their time until the balls were active again since— _somehow_ —Pilaf wasn't satisfied and wanted to demand another wish. The lackeys knew what he really wanted, he wanted his wealth restored and the tools to rebuild his fortress, and they wanted that for him too since he was their great Emperor.

At least, in theory they wanted that, what with the vow of eternal loyalty to him. Although after a year of roughing it and waiting for the balls to reactivate, Mai was starting to wonder if it was really worth it not settling down to be a dentist like her parents wanted. As it stood their lives were currently a long stream of walking, camping, reading the news, waiting, blah, blah, blah…

"I wonder if that kid is gonna participate in the Tournament t'day?" Shu asked one morning.

"I thought he died?" Mai responded, knowing that if they spoke _that kid's_ name it would cause Pilaf to break out into hives.

Despite their caution, Pilaf wheezed, turning a spiteful look back to them over his shoulder. " _That kid_ couldn't be stopped by something trivial like death, he's a monster!" he emphatically screeched, throwing down the wooden block he had been whittling.

Son Goku was a freak of nature for certain. A monster, however? Mai didn't think so. She shrugged, as did Shu, and the group packed up to leave for their next destination.

Things were going normally that day.

Until they weren't.

The sky darkened, a telltale sign that they were all very familiar with from their experiences, and it all went downhill from there.

Mai died.

Shu died.

Emperor Pilaf died.

It all happened so suddenly they almost didn't have time to come to terms with the fact that they _were_ dead and standing in a very long line with a bunch of other spirits before being whisked back to life just as abruptly. A bizarre voice yelling at them from the sky made demands that they throw their hands up in the air to help beat some…boop? Goop? Whatever it was might have been what killed them.

Pilaf, appropriately, plugged his ears and pretended it wasn't happening. Mai and Shu followed suit (but raised their hands when his back was turned out of sheer terror at what might happen if they didn't beat the schloop). 

At the end of it all…the day was saved? She guessed? Mostly Pilaf furiously balled up his fists and screamed that _they used the balls!_ So they were back to square one: wandering, camping, rinse, repeat.

They had run out of food a while back, however, and were having little luck with catching much but fish—one could only eat fish so many times before losing their mind. Mai tried not to clutch at her stomach or grimace as they walked along the road, contemplating for a second whether she should attempt hitchhiking. It was a ridiculous idea, however, as the road was _way back in the countryside_ , nobody came through there. Nobody but truckers passing through who were too busy to deal with silly hitchhikers.

"Y'could stick out your leg, I guess, Mai," Shu joked half-heartedly.

Pilaf scolded him for making a _highly inappropriate_ comment. "The Emperor's Guard must have more decorum than that!"

Mai only shrugged—it felt like she had been doing nothing but that for ages now. The noise of something in the distance tore her attention away from her companions and back to the road stretched out behind them.

There was a truck in a cloud of dust, blaring its horns and…speeding? Something lurched in the woman's stomach in anticipation and fear at what she was seeing.

The horn blared again, the driver poked their head out of their window to scream: " _OUTTA THE WAY, ASSHOLES!"_

Mai couldn't see the driver through their hair wildly whipping about in front of their face, though she did hear a sneeze and the screech of brakes before promptly blacking out at the overload on her brain.

* * *

If asked on a day where Mai had been caught up in the aftermath of a person trying to suddenly stop a speeding semi-truck, she would say she wished she had never met Pilaf.

She groaned when she came back to consciousness, eyes fluttering open and taking inventory of the aches and pains parading around her body. It was hard to move, like something was pressing down on her—it took a moment to realize that someone had put a blanket over her and a cold pack on her forehead. Mai shifted, trying to quiet herself from making any other noises before she could properly determine where she was and what was happening.

Much to her relief, Shu and Pilaf were tucked into cots across the room, bandaged and still unconscious but unmistakably alive judging by the rise and fall of their chests. She looked down at herself and realized her injuries had been dressed too, and her overcoat was now missing, shirt slightly unbuttoned to bandage up wounds. The woman blushed despite having a rational enough mind to know that medical treatment was detached and not remotely naughty—it wasn't as though she _enjoyed_ the idea of being stripped of her dignity anyway!

She patted at herself, trying to find the holsters for her weapons—a gun, a knife, _something_ —no such luck, she found her holsters were gone along with her overcoat. "Damn," she hissed, struggling to sit up and swing her legs over to inspect the room. A sharp pain stopped her, wrenching out a pained yelp that awoke her comrades immediately and alerted whoever brought them to this precarious situation.

"Wh-who's there?!" Pilaf demanded when they all picked up the sound of footsteps running up to the door. "You dare to imprison the Great Emperor Pilaf?!"

There was a clunk and the door opened, what could only be described as an _explosion_ of medical supplies filled their vision next as a figure stumbled into the room and tripped to the floor.

"Oh, dear!" a high, clear voice cried out.

It was…a sweet voice, Mai could tell right away. She blinked and rubbed at her eyes, trying to piece together what exactly she was looking at.

Among the mess of dropped bandages and salves, there sat a woman, cheeks flushed from exertion while she panted, staring up at them with wide, round dark eyes. A halo of navy blue curls only tamed by a red kerchief tied around her head framed an innocent-looking face, clumsy hands and thin decidedly unthreatening-looking limbs scrambled to try and right herself. "I'm so sorry!" she was saying, sweeping up her dropped supplies into her arms and depositing them to a nearby table. "It's my fault, I ran into you all with my truck—we aren't close enough to any hospitals at my cabin, so I brought you with me instead. I'm so, _so_ sorry for hurting you!"

Her doleful eyes and sincere tone took them all off-guard very much indeed, none seemed to know what to make of her.

None except Mai, who could feel herself begin to sweat as her eyes ticked over the woman and her mind tried to comprehend the situation.

 _Oh no,_ Mai thought, _she's cute!_ This wasn't the woman that screamed at them in a harsh voice and called them "assholes" at all—but then…who was the one that did? The woman was acting like she was the one, but that couldn't have been right!

"You must be hungry!" she changed the subject, turning to them with a sunny smile. "Please, relax in your cots, I'm going to make you some lunch!"

Neither Shu nor Pilaf could argue with the promise of food, Mai however was still caught up in the surreal nature of what they had fallen into.

That, and struggling with the thoughts of how attractive she found their host. Attraction wasn't something that Mai considered often, especially with their proper and prudish Emperor explicitly forbidding talks of "naughty" topics. She supposed if she brought up that she had only ever been attracted to women that neither of her comrades would have an issue with it.

"My name is Launch," the woman continued, gesturing to herself. "I work as a truck driver in these parts."

"I'm Shu," Shu deigned to speak first. "I'm…uhhhh…I'm a ninja."

"You're not supposed to _tell_ people you're a ninja, imbecile!" Pilaf hissed before turning his attention back to Launch, affecting a regal air. "You may call me _Emperor Pilaf_ or _Imperial Majesty_."

Mai realized Launch was now looking at her expectantly, turning that angelic smile to _her_. She could feel her cheeks heating up as she stammered out her name and something vague about her occupation.

"How lovely!" Launch giggled, "It gets lonely around these parts sometimes. I'm always happy to make new friends!"

 _Oh no,_ Mai thought, _she's_ really _cute!_

"Uh, can I have my holsters back?" she said with the tone of awkwardly asking if she could go to the bathroom.

Launch faltered for a moment, turning to look at a coat hanger where she had put Mai's things, chewing her lip in nervousness. "Well…oh, gosh…I don't really like touching weapons, but I suppose since you're awake now you can have them back…"

Relief coupled with inexplicable concern at the poor woman's dilemma flooded Mai, she automatically reached out her arms to take the holsters as Launch brought them over.

…Only to be surprised when a sneeze broke up the moment and she found herself with her own gun pointed at her forehead.

"—Y'thinkin' of _double-crossin'_ me?!" growled the blonde woman with sharp green eyes that had inexplicably taken Launch's place. Her stance was aggressive and posture confident as she held the gun with her finger hovering over the trigger. "Izzat the thanks I get for _hospitality_?!"

Mai's intellectual mind told her that there was the explanation for where the person who hit them went, Launch appeared to have two personalities on polar opposite spectrums in her very being. It also told her that this was a very risky situation and they needed to figure out how to leave safely.

 _Oh no,_ her base mind that still became excited by danger and risk told her, _she's HOT!_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An invitation, some awkward moments, Launch now has housemates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I still remember this is a thing and yes I'm still fighting valiantly to make content for this ship
> 
> (also if you squint there's some bulaunch in there)

On a good day, one might call Launch a little too desperate for company. She was content with her quiet life in the county broken up by phone calls to Bulma and secondhand glimpse into the madness her friends got into. The wilder part of herself did feel a longing for the old days of adventure, yet Launch reminded herself she would have gotten in the way. After all, her pursuit of Tien turned out to be…entirely one-sided, and with the talk of aliens and life or death battles, Launch was all too happy to fall behind.

It was the feeling of being _left_ behind that nagged at her.

 _"You're better off,"_ Bulma had sighed to her on the most recent call. _"My husband does nothing but train all the time, I don't see him until bedtime."_

 _"That chump!"_ she, after accidentally inhaling a dust mote whilst cleaning, snarled into the receiver. _"After alla that shit with Buu, even?!"_

Launch could imagine the thin, almost wistful smile Bulma got when she had a lot on her mind that she wouldn't share that filled the pause thereafter. She still wasn't discussing that painful thing with her husband.

Though it angered the blonde version of Launch enough to take her truck out for a spin to burn off energy, the blue version of Launch understood things were more complicated than a snap judgment could conjure.

Then…go figure, that bout of reckless driving brought her new guests.

Her guests were…interesting, to say the least. While Launch was never one to judge by appearance, it was hard _not_ to give a scrutinizing glance at the blue dwarf and the dog-man. Something about the blue one was familiar, he almost looked demonic and his dress was archaic in nature.

_Actually…he looks a little like that troublemaker who released Piccolo, doesn't he?_

That couldn't be right, could it? Launch paused in the middle of her cooking. He may have introduced himself as _Emperor Pilaf_ , and that name was rather similar to the troublemaker from the old days, but it couldn't be…he seemed perfectly harmless. Shu, the dog-man, seemed especially sweet and friendly.

The woman…

Launch blushed at the reminder. Mai—that was her name—took having a gun pointed at her face remarkably well. Even amid stammered apologies about what her "bad half" did, Mai passed it off with an entirely out of place calm.

 _"No, no, it's fine…really!"_ she had chuckled.

Despite the reassurance, Launch fussed and fussed some more, commenting that she would help her straighten up and went to fetch her combs.

There was a space of awkwardness between them once she came back that brought Launch to a pause. She filled the silence with a nervous giggle, _"Oh! Yes, that's right…"_ She searched through her set to find something more suited to the woman's silky, straight hair. _"I'm so jealous,"_ Launch found herself absently saying as she worked her comb through the _very_ soft tresses.

 _"I'm…uh…Mai,"_ the woman responded, flushing.

 _"Mai, y'already said that?"_ Launch heard Shu mumble at the periphery of her hearing.

None of that mattered, however, when she looked up and made contact with crystal blue eyes.

Her breath caught. _Oh my goodness…_ Launch had thought. _She's awfully pretty…_

Pretty eyes, shiny hair, soft skin…

 _"That's a pretty name!"_ she had blurted out instead to try and shake herself out of the odd thoughts. With that out in the air, Launch continued, explaining that she had always wanted lovely straight hair like Mai's. _"My curls have always been so difficult to manage!"_

Mai patiently listened as she babbled, her out of place serenity staying the whole time even with her unusual companions, the situation as it stood, even Launch herself. How could anyone be so calm, so cool? She just watched Launch—everything about it left a strange fluttery feeling that lingered somewhere in her chest and stomach.

"Lunch is ready!" Launch broke herself out of her own thoughts by calling her guests to the table. "I've never had so many people over before!" she said with a smile.

"We haven't had someone cook for us in ages!" Shu cheerfully responded. "We've been roughin' it in the wilderness for—" he jerked like he had been hit under the table, sheepishly glancing at Pilaf who was clearly scolding him.

Launch pretended not to notice, pretended she didn't realize that Pilaf and, indeed, the whole group were the same people who freed Piccolo. _Yo, Bulma hooked up with one of the bad guys herself, we can chill with these weirdos for a while,_ the wilder side of her piped up.

 _Oh please, don't you start now,_ she chided, for once mashing down the rare times she connected with the "other" woman to pay attention to her guests. _"Hooking up" is…um…very different than…_

She cast a glance to Mai out of the corner of her eyes, then looked away just as quickly, feeling her cheeks burn. "You poor things," she said with a smile. "Well…perhaps you could…"

Was she really this desperate for company?

"Stay with me for a while? It's just me out here, I wouldn't mind some company!"

Oh, yes, she was that desperate for company.

If her friends could carouse with aliens—even Piccolo himself—she could get to know the rather interesting strangers.

* * *

Mai couldn't take her eyes off of Launch the entire time—not when she was brushing her hair, not when they were eating—if it wasn't for Pilaf calling for a huddle she would have kept staring all day. It was ridiculous, she felt (and was acting like) a silly teenager with a crush. Pilaf and Shu debated over the pros and cons of "setting up base" at Launch's cabin while Mai wistfully thought of the feeling of the gentle woman's fingers running through her hair. She didn't' think it would feel so nice to have her hair brushed by another person—she wasn't a _child_ , after all.

But with _her_ and listening to her talk and watching her curls shift around like the oceans at night left Mai with a warmth entirely new to her. Launch talked about how she was jealous of how straight Mai's hair was, she was complimenting it! But to _Mai_ Launch's hair looked so shiny and soft, like clouds, like—like something Mai really wanted to bury her face in! Was it even possible for someone to be so damn _pretty_?

"—Whaddya think, Mai?" Shu's voice interrupted her dreamy thoughts, jolting the hapless woman back into the present.

"Wh…uh…what?" she stammered with all the grace of a duck landing on a frozen pond.

"Ah, you've been deep in thought about this, too!" Pilaf incorrectly concluded, gesturing with his fork (still with a half-eaten sausage attached). "Besides that…bizarre quirk of hers, this Lunch—"

"—Launch," Mai and Shu simultaneously interjected.

"—Shut up, you two—anyway, Lance isn't a threat. We could easily overpower her should it come to that."

"Aw gee, Emperor," Shu groaned, "Do we hafta go that far? She's nice."

Mai agreed, though she didn't want the lumps that Shu would get for directly speaking against the Emperor and stayed quiet. Instead, she reflected on how warm Launch was as she…

…Sat next to her in the huddle?

"You're worried about my other half?" Launch placidly inquired, ignorant of the exaggerated shocked reactions the trio gave. "It's all right! She only comes out when I sneeze, and she doesn't like perverted men or the police."

 _So basically, she's_ also _my kind of girl_ , a thought that Mai immediately bat away popped up.

Pilaf puffed himself up proudly, drawing to his full height of three feet nothing as he declared, of course, no proper ruler like himself would _ever_ be caught doing something _naughty_. Therefore, he ordered: "Shu and I will share the room we woke up in, and _Mai_ will share yours."

"Oh, that's a good idea!" Launch agreed.

_Oh, yay, I'm doomed!_

"Uhhhhh, you gonna be okay, Mai?" Shu asked her in aside. "You're lookin'…sick."

 _Sick_ didn't even begin to cover it!

Surprisingly, Launch was more than capable of lifting the bed Mai had used all by herself. It gave Mai enough time to straighten out her thoughts.

In a sense, anyway, she was still at a loss for words about what to do and how…unaware Emperor Pilaf was about her dilemma.

…Even worse, he was the _only_ one (besides Launch) that was unaware, the look Shu was giving Mai told her he was _very_ aware of what was going on in Mai's head.

"So, uh…" he began, scratching at his chin awkwardly. "You're kinda crushin' on her, huh?"

Oh, _wonderful_. Mai couldn't even look directly at him.

"Don't worry, Mai!" Shu tried to encourage her. "I'll make sure the Emperor doesn't mess up anything ya try to get goin' with you and Launch!"

_Great! He's being a wingman! FANTASTIC._

* * *

Go figure, Launch's luck was such that lifting up the bed Mai had been on kicked up _more_ dust.

"Shit, Blue's gotta do more cleanin' around here, things get dusty fast," Blonde Launch groused half to herself and half to the fancily-dressed garden gnome that was following her around. "I already know the score, little man, y'don't gotta explain anything to me."

"While part of me is disturbed yet curious about your bizarre condition," Santa's renegade helper spoke up, "This isn't about that. I've noticed that my general is…interested in you."

"What, Mai General? I didn't know that was her last name, but okay, I'm into it," Launch casually responded with a one-armed shrug, setting down the bed.

"No, you imbeci—" _Click!_ Launch pointed her gun at the cookie elf's head. "—I mean…err…I mean Mai _is_ my general. Mine. As the emperor. And she _might_ be interested in courting you."

Launch snorted, "Courting. The fuck? How old are you, like, a grandpa or something? Are you a really old wise elf from a swamp or some shit?"

" _I'M SAYING I AM **GRACIOUSLY** ALLOWING THIS COURTSHIP!_" Pilaf screeched right back, absolutely not like any wise old mentor that lives in a swamp. "And I will even make sure that my _oaf_ of a bodyguard doesn't get in the way!"

"So, you're gonna be the wingman. Great. Cool."

 _This guy ain't serious anyways._ And Launch wasn't serious herself, come to think of it. Yes, Launch was _very_ interested in the woman who had some heavy weaponry hidden away in her clothes and happened to be _super_ hot…but she knew better.

She knew better than to expect anything from chance encounters that sweep her up in _feelings_.

That wouldn't happen again.


End file.
